[Disclaimer: This post explores injustices and this post contains graphic and explicit pictures of violence and dead bodies related to that subject.]
No one can really deny that Christians have supported and participated in very serious evils in history. At least some of these evils are now commonly condemned and seen as plainly non-Christian and against the teachings of Jesus. However, at the time, Christians went along with them, seeing nothing wrong.
Anytime I have brought this fact up, Christians are quick to justify, explain away, deny or minimize the damage done by Christians. In the past, I have done so myself.
These deflections are fairly shallow attempts to evade responsibility for the past behavior of Christians. Perhaps more importantly, this defense of past Christians helps avoid what owning these mistakes would call for: present introspection into the Christian community, that might reveal similar injustices in contemporary Christianity.
One of the primary tools I have seen used over and over again when confronted with the reality of evil actions taken by Christians is to call into question the faith of those Christians most directly responsible. It is suggested that, “They were not ‘real’ Christians. ‘Real’ Christians (like me/my church/my tradition) would never do that!”
Not only is this a logical fallacy but it is completely wrong.
While spinning history this way may allow Christians to perpetually believe that we are the good guys/girls of history, it is dishonest and deceitful. It, like the picture of Columbus above, is a make believe picture of our past that paints a false picture of a much more complex and much darker reality. I say this because if we read the journals and writings of Christians throughout history, including the ones we know participated in injustices and evils, you will find sincere faith and orthodox theology and practice in many of them.
For example…

This is a more accurate picture of the legacy of Christopher Columbus. This is the mass grave at Wounded Knee.
For example, let us begin by considering Christopher Columbus and colonialism. Washington Irving wrote of Christopher Columbus, saying:
“He was devoutly pious: religion mingled with the whole course of his thoughts and actions, and shone forth in his most private and unstudied writings. Whenever he made any great discovery, he celebrated it by solemn thanks to God. The voice of prayer and melody of praise rose from his ships when they first beheld the New World, and his first action on landing was to prostrate himself upon the earth and return thanksgivings. Every evening the Salve Regina and other vesper hymns were chanted by his crew, and masses were performed in the beautiful groves bordering the wild shores of this heathen land. All his great enterprises were undertaken in the name of the Holy Trinity, and he partook of the communion previous to embarkation. He was a firm believer in the efficacy of vows and penances and pilgrimages, and resorted to them in times of difficulty and danger. The religion thus deeply seated in his soul diffused a sober dignity and benign composure over his whole demeanor. His language was pure and guarded, and free from all imprecations, oaths and other irreverent expressions.”
Columbus by this and other accounts was sincere in his faith, even to the point of not cussing. He was also completely for the exploitation of the new land and the enslavement of its people.
“After returning to Spain and reporting on the incredible wealth in the islands of the ‘New World,’ the monarchs gave Columbus 17 ships and more than 1,200 men to plunder the Caribbean. His new expedition went from island to island gathering slaves and gold with unprecedented brutality.
Opening the continent to slavery Columbus was the first European slave trader in the Americas. He sent more slaves across the Atlantic Ocean than any individual of his time-about 5,000. He and his men captured and enslaved the Arawak people almost as soon as they landed. Some were sent to Spain and others served Columbus on the islands. In 1496, Columbus jubilantly wrote Spain’s King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella about the possibilities for exploitation in the West Indies: ‘In the name of the Holy Trinity, we can send from here all the slaves and brazil wood which could be sold.’
In Hispaniola, Columbus and the Spanish set up a system that made every Indian over the age of 14 responsible for gathering a certain amount of gold each month. They received copper tokens to hang around their necks if they succeeded. If an Indian was caught without a token, the Spanish cut off their hands and let them bleed to death.” (Source: Banderas News – italics and bolds mine)
This devout Christian was completely fine with participating in these evils. To make it worse, Columbus did not participate in these evils despite his sincere faith, Columbus was rapacious in his desire to exploit the New World because of his faith.
Writing home to his monarchs Columbus claimed that the Gold he sent back from the New World, which he was claiming was Tharsis and Ophir, would fund 100,000 foot soldiers and 10,000 cavalry for the retaking of Jerusalem. Columbus envisioned the exploitation of the New World would fund the retaking of Jerusalem from the Muslims, which he saw as a Christian duty. (Source: Columbus and the Quest for Jerusalem, by Carol Delaney)
Columbus was not simply an imperfect and sinful but otherwise sincere Christian; Columbus was a sincere Christian, fully shaped by the faith and cultures of his day, and that is why he committed heinous evils believing himself to be righteous.
Due to the colonization that followed Columbus’ “discovery” of America the Native American population which had been estimated to number anywhere from 90-112 million pre-contact was decimated to around 250,000 individuals at its lowest point.
Entire tribes, languages and cultures no longer exist.
For example…

The burning of one Christian, the Anabaptist Anneken Hendriks, by other Christians, Spanish Catholics.
During the Reformation, a time of idealized by many Protestant sects, Luther, Calvin and many other Reformers were clearly very sincere in their faith as were many of their Roman Catholic counterparts. Much of the current theology in Christianity is derived from these men or has developed in response to their thought. Many Christian sects have their origin from this time or owe their origin indirectly to its legacy. Some, such as Lutherans or those who declare themselves to be Calvinists or Arminian, even label themselves after leading theologians from the time.
Many of the leaders of the Reformation also participated in and encouraged anti-Semitism. Some continued to approve of Christians serving in wars (even as mercenaries). Some persecuted and killed other Christians for believing the wrong things about God. Many of these attitudes and beliefs met with widespread acceptance not criticism.
For example…
Skipping forward a few hundred years in history, during the Great Awakening in the Americas the Holy Spirit was being poured out and incredible changes were happening in the U.S. Meanwhile slavery was a reality that was supported or passively accepted by sincere and influential Christians. George Whitefield, the famous American evangelist and orator, advocated for slavery. Jonathan Edwards, who I myself admire in many ways for his faith and thought, owned slaves. The Methodist circuit riders, who died at the average age of twenty-eight because their zeal for evangelism drove them to brave the elements of the American frontier, owned on average eight African slaves a piece. This was a systemic evil that was justified by Christian theology that sincere Christians participated in. This was not a small imperfection in otherwise sincere believers and these were not insincere believers.
For example…
This photograph is from the early 1920’s near Portland, Oregon. While obviously I would not judge all Christians by the KKK’s stance, it cannot be denied that the KKK were started as an anti-black and anti-Catholic Protestant organization. Their stress was on 100% “Americanism” which to them meant being Protestant and White.
For example,
This is a photo taken in Marion Indiana in 1930 at the lynching of two black men. Marion Indiana is currently 75% white and home to the largest Christian university in the Midwest. While I cannot know for sure, statistically speaking most of the people in this photograph, including the man smiling in the lower left, were probably Christians. Again, statistically speaking most of the lynchings that took place in the South were perpetrated by people who went to church the next Sunday.
For example,
Moving forward in time again, Rwanda was touted as a model for missionary success and most Rwandans would self-identity as a Catholic or Protestant. However, Belgian Christian colonists exacerbated existing divisions among Rwandans to make Rwanada easier to rule and exploit. The artificial distinction between Hutu and Tutsi created by these Beglian Christians directly led to the massacre in 1994.
Christians also actively participated in the Rwandan genocide.
“Church personnel and institutions were actively involved in the program of resistance to popular pressures for political reform that culminated in the 1994 genocide, and numerous priests, pastors, nuns, brothers, catechists, and Catholic and Protestant lay leaders supported, participated in, or helped to organize the killings.” (Source: Timothy Longman)
To make this statement a little bit more real, here is a quotation from an Adventist Christian and choir member who participated in the Rwandan genocide.
“EMMANUEL: Alice is the last person I cut. I cut off her hand and made a scar on her face. I thought I killed her. And then I stopped killing. Something had begun to bother me. I was a singer in an Adventist church…I saw the faces of all of the people I killed before me. I remembered I had sung in front of them in church. I thought, ‘How come I killed the same people I was singing for?’ It was time to stop. Still, I had already taken their things, and I decided those things would stay in my house.”
While it is admirable that his faith was part of the reason he stopped, his Christian faith was sincere enough to get him to be an active participant in his church but apparently not enough to stop him from participating in genocide.
For example,
A number of the participants of abuses at the Abu Ghraib prison were Christians. Upon being confronted by Joseph F. Darby, Charles A. Graner responded,
“The Christian in me says it’s wrong, but the corrections officer in me says, ‘I love to make a grown man piss himself.” (Source: The Washington Post)
For example,

Yup, he’s a Christian. (By the way, obviously minus the text, this is a screen grab from his actual sermon.)
Sean Harris, the pastor and spiritual leader of Berean Baptist Church in Fayetteville advocated that parents beat the homosexuality out of their children if their boys are too effeminate or their girls are too butch. (Source: Jezebel) Around the same time Charles L. Worley, the pastor and spiritual leader of Providence Road Baptist Church in Maiden, N.C. advocated for rounding up homosexuals and surrounding them with an electric fence so that they will die off.(Source: Yahoo) Both of these pastors sermons were met with applause and “amen’s” from their congregation.
Etc., etc., etc.
But what does this mean for Christians today and why do I bring this up?:
No one, no matter how sincere or sentimental in their faith, is categorically prevented from participating in or supporting injustice, evil and oppression that are directly opposed to the Way of Jesus Christ.
Sincerity of faith is not an inoculation against participating in evil. Just because we are devout or sincere in our affection towards Jesus and our commitment to pursue righteousness does not guarantee that all of our practices and beliefs, even commonly and widely accepted ones, are in fact righteous and just.
Because of this reality, Christians need to seriously consider that if followers of Jesus got it way wrong in the past, that we might have it way wrong today. In light of all this we need to be less concerned with perpetually justifying ourselves and more concerned with prayerfully, scripturally and carefully examining the current beliefs and practices of Christian culture that we participate in, no matter how time honored or common sense they are to us. We need to stop protecting and enshrining evils and injustices that are part of the current status quo in Christian culture all the while pretending or truly believing we are defending God or the Christian way of life and faith. We need to do this because history has shown that just saying, feeling or professing to really love or believe in Jesus is not enough to ensure you are actually following and obeying the Way of Jesus.












The mixed blessing of sobriety (and why I woke up the other day at 3 a.m. crying…)
A few days ago I shot this out to twitter…
I favorite my own posts to keep track of them. Don’t hate.
I have not written about recovery for a while so I decided instead of leaving this as a vague truism out on the internet, I would vulnerable and put some flesh onto this saying.
This was posted in response to the fact that I had woken up that morning crying at 3 a.m. This was not a time where I woke up, and then started crying. I was crying in my sleep and it actually woke me up. This has happened a few times.
Now overall the last couple weeks have been good. My antidepressants have kicked in, life has calmed down a bit, and things with my family are much better. However, these last couple of weeks have also been punctuated by an erratic staccato rhythm of intense sadness, such as this 3 a.m. one, that have at times been perplexing to me.
To deal with this I have been using one of the tools I have picked up in my recovery journey: “Check-in’s.” Check-in’s meaning checking in with yourself. You ask yourself what you are feeling and experiencing, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
This is important because addicts are rather notoriously out of touch with their emotions and I fit this stereotype perfectly. I have spent most of my life running from my emotions and feelings, seeking to numb them out and escape them whenever and however possible, no matter how self-destructive. This has resulted in a situation where I often cannot articulate what I am feeling, if I am even aware of what I am feeling at all. Having “bad feelings” and “good feelings” is for the most part how nuanced my emotional world has been. Technically this problem is called alexythmia but I prefer David Brainerd’s estimation of Native American addicts when he referred to them as, “strangers to their own heart.”
Check-in’s help people like me, people who are strangers to their own hearts, become grounded in what the heck is actually going on with us instead of reflexively and instinctively turning to our addiction to escape the “bad feelings.”
I have learned that paying attention to my emotional state is an important part of recovery and relapse prevention, so I could not simply ignore waking up crying at 3 a.m. as if nothing happened. Later in the day I did a check in and the result was rather revealing.
The reason I was crying at 3 a.m. had a lot to do with loneliness.
Like just about every human being on the planet I would like to be in a relationship. I do not mean a friendship or a family relationship, but a relationship relationship. I am not talking about going on dates with someone for fun or even finding someone who is willing to have sex with you. That is easy and that’s not what I am talking about. What I am talking about is wanting to be with someone that you truly love and who truly loves you in return. I want to have someone in my life I could be fully committed to, have a family with, and grow old with.
Growing up, the average expectation in my community was to be married sometime in one’s twenties. Many of my friends did get married during this time, and many of my peers have even started their families.
This has quite simply not happened for me. I never thought I would be here but right now the phrase, “Always the groomsman never the groom” would apply to how I feel. It is perhaps more cliché for women to complain about this but I think men get lonely too. At least I do.
My loneliness is palpable and because I refuse to mask this feeling with the emotional Tylenol of my addiction I have to sit with it now like an unwelcome visitor in my heart. Sometimes I feel it more, especially when I see happy couples, sometimes I feel it less, but it is always there.
The simple healthy solution would be for me to deal with my own stuff, put myself out there and find someone to be with. I have advocated for this simple approach and I believe it is good wisdom for just about anyone who is feeling this way.
However, there are two problems with this that have left me feeling stuck in this place. First, I know that I will be leaving the area within a year, so starting a relationship now seems like a futile endeavor. This means at least another year, probably more, of feeling the ache of loneliness.
Second, and much more importantly, as I pondered what was going on with me in my check-in I realized I am deathly afraid of getting hurt like I was in my last relationship. I have written about that relationship extensively elsewhere, but the short version is I was convinced I had found the person I was going to marry, I truly loved her, and it did not work out.
What I am realizing now is that no matter how much I have thought about it, no matter how much I have made peace with what happened, no matter how much I realize we were never going to get married, no matter how much I have worked towards a place of forgiveness with my Ex, what happened happened and what happened broke my heart in ways that I still do not understand. While I have not played out, “What if…” scenarios in a long time, I still think about what happened even though it has been almost three years.
Now that experience taught me that I could survive my worst fear and even if it happened again I would make it through. However, that experience also made me aware of just how bad it can hurt to love someone and have them fall out of love with you. I can handle rejection but having this happen again is what I truly fear. It also forever shattered the illusion that dating, romance and marriage would “just happen for me,” that success in these arenas are promised by God, are guaranteed in any way shape or form, or are easy or safe.
The desire for a relationship and the fear of being hurt have left my heart and my actions divided. It is also partly the reason why the nine women that I have pursued since my Ex have never materialized into anything substantial. In a couple situations when I got close to a real relationship, which I want, I ran to feel safe, which is what I also want. Currently some days the fear of being hurt again is stronger and I tell myself I should just give up and make peace with feeling this ache of loneliness for the rest of my life. Other days the fear of being alone forever and my desire for a healthy loving relationship are stronger and I manage to put myself out there a bit, even checking the dating profiles I have online.
So this is a pretty accurate picture of what’s going on with me right now and why I woke up at 3 a.m. crying…
Self-portrait
This whole situation is both the blessing and curse of sobriety. This is what makes sobriety hard, especially early on. On the one hand because I am not engaging with my addiction I can actually enjoy the good times and I am not self-destructing and making my problems worse by temporarily masking them. On the other hand because I am not engaging with my addiction I have to deal with all of life, even the shitty parts.
Now maybe in two weeks I will not feel like this. Maybe I will feel like this for the next ten years. Maybe I’ll get into a healthy relationship or maybe I will make peace with being alone. While I do not know the future, after checking in with my own heart, I know where I am at now and I am learning to accept messy places like this as a valid part of life. I am learning not to run from places like this and even, in my own way, to accept this as part of my story that is uniquely mine and no one else’s.
And all that, for me at least, is something.