Prophetic words from Pihop

[The Well is a prophetic prayer ministry of Pihop. I have gone for the last month and received prayer. Each time they record your session and email it to you. This experience has been very impactful for me and I wanted to share them here.  I would invite you to listen not just for your own benefit to get an idea of what is going down at Pihop (and other parts of the Body of Christ that you may not be familiar with) but also for my own benefit.  While Pihop is remarkably sensible about the whole affair I am incredibly new to being open to receiving prophetic words from other people and discerning what is from God and what is from man. If in listening to these recordings you think something is completely wrong or is confirmation of something you have seen in me please let me know.]

On Saturday nights many people from the greater L.A. area gather around a small venue and line.  It looks like we are all waiting to get into a club on the weekend, but in fact we are signing up to receive prophetic prayer at the Well.  This is a prayer ministry run by Pihop and every Saturday evening you can sign up at 6:00pm. Trained prophetic prayer teams then start praying for people at 7:00pm.  They invite you to wait in the main worship area until your number comes up on a marquee.  There is worship going on but if you have a long wait you can always leave and come back later.

In my experience, the worship during this time is incredibly sweet and moving and sometimes I now go just for worship.

When I started attending Pihop I was still very skeptical of this whole Holy Spirit/Pihop/Pentecostal/Charismatic/prophetic prayer thing I was being called to.  Even after such powerful experiences in inner healing prayer I barely trusted God enough to show up at Pihop and receive ministry which I felt He was gently leading me to.  All of my suspicions aside, I was growing cautiously hopeful.

I have intentionally made myself very scarce at Pihop so people who pray over me have no idea who I am.  They do not know my personality, my history, I have not added them of Facebook or passed them a link to this blog. I have also kept the name God gave me in inner healing prayer a secret and asked God that if there is something I really need to hear from someone at Pihop, that He would give them this name.

I have done all this because I want to know what was really happening was prophecy, not just people making educated guesses at what I wanted to hear from them based off of my personality or what I’ve shared with them.

The first time I attended, my number was called and I went over to the smaller building. Both of my prayer teams (you get a double session your first time) were comprised of three people of different genders and races that I had never met before in my life.  After I introduced myself  they began recording my session.

These are some things to keep in mind while listening…

  • I had received a very specific name and purpose from God recently in inner healing prayer.
  • I had over the months wondered if the pain in my life was part of my training to be a healer.
  • Psalm 144 was one of my favorite Psalms, especially in high school.
  • I have experienced the greatest friendships and strongest communities I am in, have come from when I am vulnerable and honest about my past pain and my faults as a person.
  • Hypocrisy is abhorrent to me. (Especially considering how hypocritical I have been in my life.)
  • As I have come to be more open about my life, this has been pushed back upon by some people, at times for seemingly no reason. A number of people appear to be critical of me and my character for really no discernible reason.
  • This last year I have seen that I am passionate about what I am doing.  I generally approach life and the task at hand with an “all or nothing” attitude.

Then this is what I heard…

To me it appeared that many of the words spoken over me were from true. Some of their words matched up with ideas I had been wrestling with for some time. Additionally, if these people were guessing randomly, whatever their motivations, they could have suggested so many different things about my character.  However, they basically named two things I am well-known for.

The next week I went back.  Sitting in worship I was still thinking in my head, “Is this for real? Do I honestly believe that God is speaking to me through other people here?  Why are we (as in the people waiting for prayer) here?  Is this just our (meaning Christian) version of going to a palm reader or psychic?  I mean I know they are not charging anything, but is this just people wanting to hear an encouraging word at a dark or transitional time?”

These are some things to keep in mind while listening…

  • Previously a Christian gifted in discernment had commented that from just shaking my hand she could tell how powerful I was. (This was spiritual strength, and strength of character, not physical strength.  My 5’7″ and 150 lbs. frame is not that imposing.)
  • Randomly, after praying for someone else in inner healing prayer, another participant took me aside and said, “When I heard you speak I saw three swords.  I feel you have the LORD’s anointing and the demons will run when you preach.” I thanked him but had no real idea what to do with this.  People do not talk like this in the Christian traditions I am from.
  • I am known for bringing people together and making community. When I was in Modesto I turned the 511 ministry house into a place of welcoming fellowship and I have done much the same with Apartment 3.  When I talked to one of my roommates when I was suicidal he encouraged me that he loved me and he had seen how I bring people together and invite people into my life, no matter where I am at.
  • Aside from me asking if this (meaning prophetic prayer) was legit, this last season of my life has been  marked by me really seeking after God and asking the hard questions of the faith.  “I want to know if it’s real” was a phrase that kept repeating in my head during this time.
  • I have felt called to work with Native American communities, have done missionary work a Reservation, but never thought of that as a missionary journey or calling.
  • I crave real talk regarding our lives and wider issues in the Church and the world.  It has saddened me that while my generation often talks about desiring authenticity we fail to get there, and instead settle for more fluff.

Then this is what I heard…

So these three women basically spoke directly into issues that I had been wrestling with, even that night. Again, I had never met any of these three women before or spoken directly to them. Additionally, it appears they confirmed other prophetic words that had been given to me previously.

The next week I came back and received prayer from three more people.  By this time I was very open to what God had to say.  I had began to die to years of cynicism, ignorance and fear.  I think if God had called me to life-altering decisions in the previous two session, I probably would have really struggled to obey Him if He did.  I think what He was doing was confirming what was going on at Pihop was indeed prophetic and from Him.

Some things to keep in mind after you listen to the third week…

  • I have had a bad relationship with my father most of my life and never felt like I was fully loved and celebrated, though now I am working towards a better relationship with my parents.
  • I had very recently begun to explore the Holy Spirit’s movement in my life, even coming to believe praying for others will be a large part of my future ministry.  I had even showed up at Pihop because of the gentle leading of the Holy Spirit.
  • I have received a calling to be a healer, and Peter’s shadow healing others has come up a number of times in regards to this.

Then this is what I heard…

To be honest, part of my cynicism came up after this prayer meeting.  I imaging you could ask anyone, “Has your father ever told you he is proud of you?” and the response would probably be no and it would be comforting to say, “God’s saying He is proud of you.”  I am not suggesting this person made anything up, but I felt it was pretty generic.  The people at Pihop are very humble, acknowledge that they get things wrong and pray that whatever is not from God would just fall flat to the floor. Maybe this word was just not for me or maybe it was just confirming what I had already heard in inner healing prayer.

In the middle of the week following this prayer session I went through another inner healing prayer session.  In this God communicated to me that my healing was done, and His healing work was completed. I reconnected with myself and God that night in a powerful way.  I was inspired to write a sermon and stayed up with Him laughing and smiling till 2:00am, two things that had not happened since I came down to Fuller.  That week I entered a season of incredible rest and, well, the turmoil was over.

The next Saturday night I sat and joined in the worship as I waited to be prayed over. And that is when it hit.

I really felt that the love God has for me set in. This prompted the Facebook photo I uploaded, which was just a picture I took from where I was sitting.  During this time I experienced an overwhelming sense of love towards God, myself and others.  Once in high school a friend had described to me the effects of taking Ecstasy, and that seems to be an apt description of what I was experiencing. (I’ll share more about this later.)

Some things to keep in mind after you listen to the third week…

  • I had been learning a lot more about prayer and had very recently begun to pray expecting help from God.  Most of my life I have not prayed to God or have not prayed expecting any real help. This all came from the fact that years of praying for healing that had never come true. This had seeded a doubt in me that God did not answer prayers or at least did not answer my prayers.
  • My life had turned upside down in the last season.  I had obeyed the will of God and in doing so I had pursued a relationship and started attending seminary.  In a very short amount of time the woman I was dating broke up with me, and I broke up with the M Div program. Obeying God had cost me a lot and my life was completely flipped upside down from where I thought I was going to be.
  • I had been taking a class on spiritual traditions and become to take care of myself more spiritually as I attended Pihop, worshiped, prayed and studied the Bible on the first regular basis in years.
  • That previous week I had been feeling finally free of a lot of things I had been struggling with for this last year (and many years before that) and felt like a great weight had been lifted.
  • In considering what my future I began to wonder if I would be part of a worshipping community somewhere as a lay person. That worshipping community would be my “home-base” but my ministry would be mostly outside of it, as I traveled, wrote and spoke beyond its walls.

Then this is what I heard… (They had forgotten to start  my recording which is why the first part starts out weird.  You can hear me say “I love you” which was definitely part of the “hit” of God’s love I was just whacked with.)

What do you make of all this?

A professor once asked our class, “Do you think that God inspired the Bible and then stopped speaking to us?”  Clearly for me the answer was no.  This question then begged a second one though.  If I do not believe God has stopped speaking to His people, what does it look like for Him to speak to us today?  How do you know it is Him and not your own thoughts or your thoughts of others?

It is a bold statement to claim that some of the words in these recordings have come to me from God through other Christians. But this something I have become convinced of.

However, as one of my prayers closed with, I am indeed learning a new langauge.  I am learning a lot about prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit.  Because this is such a new thing for me, I know I need to grow in my ability to discern what is from God and what is from people. I again invite your comments, insight, and discernment to what you have heard was spoken over me and welcome your opinions whatever they are.

I would also like to ask my readers to answer these two questions:

  • Do you believe God stopped speaking to His people after inspiring the Bible?
  • If you do think He is still speaking, what does this look like and how do you verify it?
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What is Pihop?

[So anyone reading my blog or my Facebook recently will see a dramatic increase in reference to something known as “Pihop.”  I have even turned it into a verb and talked about “Pihopping” or “going to Pihop it up.”  In this post I just wanted to share a little bit about what Pihop is and what its about.]

Pihop  is the Pasadena International House of Prayer and is connected with Ihop, the International House of Prayer out in Kansas City.

Physically speaking, it one narrow but deep office building and one a much larger worship space that was opened recently.

Spiritually speaking, as the name might suggest, Pihop is not a church but a place of prayer, a place to receive ministry, and a place to be trained in ministry.

(Sidenote: Even as I write these words I realize that these are three areas that were distinctly lacking in my Church experience growing up.  Growing up three worship songs, a sermon, a worship song, and a benediction was the basic format of our Sunday worship and the sermon of the pastor was central. This was church to me.  Extended times of prayer and worship, healing ministries, and ministry training were non-existent in my church experience until very recently.)

What this practically looks like is a space that open almost all the day where you can go to pray, do art, read, study, and join in with worship. They have a variety of chairs, cushions, desks, art easels  and open spaces to facilitate all of this. The worship, by the way, is contemplative. There are no Powerpoint lyrics to follow along with and the repetition of words and phrases is common.  Every hour the worship leader(s) are replaced with no introduction and the worship continues.  For those that are completely unfamiliar with their style it is usually something like this. There are also a variety of more formal ministry opportunities that you can sign up for such as prophetic prayer, prayer for inner healing, prayer for physical healing, or sign up to be trained in any of these through Impulse, their internship program, or their School of the Supernatural.

I started attending Pihop following the gentle leading of God after my time in inner healing prayer. Going there and just receiving there this summer has been an amazing experience. It has been a place of rest and encouragement for me, a place where I can do work in the midst of a worshipping community, and a place where I go to join with others earnestly seeking God.

As some of my friends from the past would be quick to point out, I would be the last person they would expect to be participating in such a ministry.  Not two years ago I probably would have rolled my eyes at Pentecostals and Charismatics and anyone that went to Pihop.  Now I’m essentially a walking billboard advertising for the Holy Spirit and the places I know She’s moving, such as Pihop.

On that note, I have heard many friends talk about being in a very spiritual dry place, being very run-down and others who have just been asking very deep questions, like “Does God even love me?”  I often see the symptoms of these deeper issues despite the fact that people are trying to carry on like it is business as usual for their faith when it is anything but. Many Christians get burnt out by Church  ministries, programs, exhortations, burdens and principles that are laid on top of our ever faster pace of culture and life and other adult responsibilities we must carry.

We have become Human doings not Human beings.

My exhortation to you Human doings is to come visit Pihop with me sometime.  Table your cynicism and fears for a few hours and see if this is something that you want to be a part of in some way.

Pihop for me was the oasis at the end of a very long and hard road for me. I have spent years in recovery, a year in counseling, and gone through several in inner healing prayer sessions. I think this all was part of a long time of seeking the face of God and wrestling with Him. I do not want to suggest everyone will have such dramatic encounters with God.  Faith is not a math equation and God is not a genie.  I do not want to suggest going to “Pihop = incredible spiritual experiences” or that by showing up you will rub the lamp of God and make Him show up.

But then again…the Holy Spirit has a mind of Her own.  The only way to know for sure is to check it out for yourself.

[In my next post I want to share a very personal slice of my experience at Pihop.  I am going to share the recordings of the prophetic words I’ve received there over the last month or so.]

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The Great Emergence: How I see Christianity changing in the next hundred years and why…

[Three speakers at Fuller discussed how Christianity is changing and why. Using some of their statements and thoughts as a springboard I want to share my own beliefs on this issue]

Jumping ship…

Phyllis Tickle, to whom I will refer to by her rapping name of P-Tickle from here on out, suggested that every 500 years or so Christianity goes through an identity crisis; the old ways of going about Christianity are failing and something new must be done.  P-tickle suggested that in these times Christians often look back to previous moments of crisis, idealize them and think, “If only we could get back to that, things would be great!” While I am unsure if this is what happened at the Great Schism or in the Protestant Reformation, it is certainly happening now.

Many Western Christians are dissatisfied with the current status quo.  Additionally, other non-Western Christians, evangelized by Western missionaries, are waking up to the fact that the Gospel came to them wrapped in Western culture and they are trying to separate the two. As one Asian theologian put it, “We are searching for the Asian face of Christ.” Christians, especially Western ones, are looking to our past to come up with guidance for the future of Christianity.

Historical hopscotch…

Some jump back 500 years and are re-focusing on the teachings of Calvin and Luther and this has led to a Neo-Reformed/Neo-Calvinist movement. Some jump back 500 years as well, but instead are returning to the Roman Catholic Church or some of its doctrines and spirituality. Some, who are neither Greek nor Orthodox have gone back 1000 years and have joined the Greek Orthodox Church. Some are jumping back all over the map of Christian history and are hand picking snippets of spirituality that are most useful them.

Will this solve the crisis?

On one hand I want people to connect with the power and love Jesus Christ however they can.  Humanity is a diverse bunch and I do not think there is one tradition or one type of spirituality that will prove effective for everyone or every culture.

So if people truly connect with God, see Him perform miracles, and come to know His love at Reality L.A. or a Greek Orthodox Church or Mars Hill or Mars Hill (that’s an intentional repetition) or at an urban monastic order, or some eclectic mix of traditions I am for it.

However, I fear a lot of this is quite simply missing the point because of how I understand the crisis we are faced with.

Why (Western) Christianity is failing…

While there are many aspects to the current crisis, I think there are at least three main deeply interrelated aspects of it:

  • A confluence of the Protestant Reformation and the advent of Secular Humanism has rather thoroughly secularized Christianity. The heart of Western culture is Secular Humanism, a worldview which denies the existence (or at least relevance) of the spiritual realm. This message is communicated 1000 and 1 ways and has impacted all Westerners, including explicitly religious ones. Regardless of what we say we believe, most Christians do not live in a manner that acknowledges the spiritual realm.  The miraculous movement of God and the Holy Spirit is limited to the past, the future, or personal salvation.
  • Devoid of a meaningful belief in the spiritual realm, our faith has come to rest on our theology, not on a relationship with God. Because we have come to deny the spiritual realm, our faith must rest on something other than a relationship with God through the Holy Spirit. Since the time of the Reformation, with the focus on sola scriptura and the advent of the printing press a variety of competing interpretations of the Bible have proliferated.   Christianity has devolved from the Bride of Christ into a bickering harem of over 30,000 different traditions more invested in judging each other and arguing that their interpretation of scripture is correct than attending to the LORD and the work He has called us to. Because the Holy Spirit does not exist and God does not really interact in this world, many base their faith on the Bible.  This is essentially placing one’s faith on the ability of your Church tradition to have come to the one correct interpretation of the Bible through highly subjective and contextual exegesis of select passages.
  • All we have left over at this point, what most people have known as Christianity in the West, is a powerless shell of a religion that cannot deliver promises made in scripture because these promises are only accessible through a relationship with God. Because we deny the Holy Spirit and the spiritual realm we must find security and comfort through other means other than placing our trust in God or having a relationship with Him.  I think this is why most of what is done in our churches is a religious copy of what is done in the secular world.  We do not offer anything different that cannot be found in a variety of other places and we do not live lives that are markedly different from the non-Christians around us.  For people who supposedly believe we have the Spirit of God within us and have a hope in the Resurrection through Jesus Christ, we find guidance and comfort in many of the same ways as our irreligious counterparts in the rest of the world.

What is the solution…

I do not think the answer to this current crisis is in the past, I think the answer to this crisis is at the beginning. I think Christianity needs to go back to the beginnings of our faith.

We need to re-read our Bible and read the rich history of the Church without the blinders of Secular Humanism and the powerless Christianity we were raised in because we need to re-think what it means to be a Christian and what it means to be a Christian community.

We need to return to a relationship with God, something we have made secondary to our theology.

We need to return to a belief in the spiritual realm, in miracles, and in the movement of the Holy Spirit, things we have for far too long denied.

We need to return to the radical nature of the gathered Christian community, something that we toned down to the gated Christian clubs we call churches.

In particular I think a return to the Holy Spirit is essential. Too many Christians could identify with my story in which the Trinity at the heart of my faith was “Father, Son, and Holy Scriptures” instead of “Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.” The lack of an openness to the movement of the Holy Spirit today is both a root and symptom of the larger crisis.

So in regards to some of the current attempts at solving the crisis…

I think Neo-Calvinism will fail. What this movement essentially suggest is that a handful of Reformers and a handful of Christian theologians since then have perfectly interpreted the Bible all that we need to do to resolve this crisis is align our lives with their systematic theology. Not only does this fail to address the crisis or be open to the Holy Spirit, this movement reinforces part of the problem: an absolute certainty in the veracity in a highly subjective and contextual interpretation of the Bible.    This return to theology developed five hundred years ago in a feudal Europe that no longer exists makes as much sense to me as putting Buster Bluth, who was trained in feudal agrarian economics, at the helm of a modern business. (Do we fear a peasant uprising?)

However, it provides a very clear-cut worldview that eliminates mystery, relativism, or uncertainty. It therefore appeals to people who are not that disenchanted with Modernity, people who want a very rigid black and white worldview and people who want a sense of moral certainty, clarity and even superiority. Like many others, I think it is simply headed towards being the new Fundamentalism.

I think the Emerging/Emergent churches will also fail.  Shane Hipps, a pastor at Mars Hill, used an analogy involving Windows and Mac to talk about Emerging churches.  IBM created the PC but Apple created the Mac based on completely different principles and it was much easier to use. To compete, IBM invented Windows which is really just a cosmetic layer on top of the same foundational principles. Hipps compares true Emerging/Emergent churches to the Mac.  They start truly afresh with a new foundation of Postmodern theology.  Other churches are like IBM and are just slapping on pop-spirituality over the same old assumptions about church to appeal to a new generation.

I think Hipps is wrong. I think the Emerging/Emergent churches are not a radically new way of doing Christianity, I think they are just another layer of cosmetics. Emerging/Emergent churches are attempts at making the Gospel relevant and appealing to Post-modern culture. They look different from the Modern churches because they are not appealing to Moderns, but at the end of the day, they really are fundamentally the same. Modernity and Post-modernity are simply different modes of Secular Humanism.  While Emerging/Emergent churches may deal with the problems in Modern Churches, they fail to deal with the Secular Humanism beneath that veneer. I fear in many Emerging/Emergent churches another form of pseudo-Christian Humanism is being promoted and while people are more open to spiritual experiences, I do not hear of a serious return to Holy Spirit or miracles happening in such congregations.

I think Protestants returning to liturgical worship services will fail.  On one hand I appreciate the fact that as more Protestants interact with and study the Roman Catholic tradition many will come to see the good parts of that tradition. It has always troubled me, being raised in both traditions, that many Protestants, having never set foot in a Catholic Church much less the life of a Catholic person, believe Catholics are two-headed papist dragons bent on power and abusing children.  I have heard many Protestants condemn the faith of millions armed with only a faint understanding of abuses that existed centuries ago.  I hope that this recedes as people interact with liturgical forms of worship more.

However, I fear many Protestants are returning to these liturgical forms of worship with little understanding and for less benefit. Just because something is new, unfamiliar or mysterious to you, does not mean it will solve the wider crisis.  Also, I fear much of the imagery, especially in icons and ikons, of these churches are being used simply because we are returning to an image based culture. Christians have a renewed sense of the importance of images and a full understanding of the Catholic and Orthodox use of these images in worship is one thing.  Having an icon in your home because it looks cool is another.

While some Christians may protest that they have found new spiritual life pursing these or other paths that I would not suggest will resolve our identity crisis I want to ask one simple question.  How many people engaging in these traditions were already Christians?  Are people truly searching for the face of God and finding Him in these traditions, or are Christians, dissatisfied with what is on offer, looking for greener pastures and new experiences elsewhere?

Indeed, I think any attempt to resolve the current crisis will fail unless it addresses the impact of Secular Humanism in the West and is marked by a return to the Holy Spirit, something that is usually reserved for Pentecostal and Charismatic traditions.

So the Global South…

I believe the shift in power and numbers to the Global South and to non-Westerners is a sign of the new life the Holy Spirit is breathing into the Body of Christ.  Many African, Latin American, and Asian cultures do not share the inherent denial of the spiritual realm the West adheres to. In fact, similar to the vast majority of cultures throughout history, these culture are more open to the spiritual realm. I think this default acceptance of the spiritual realm is what is helping them to recover from the anti-spiritual bias communicated when the Gospel came to them in through Spirit-less Christian traditions and has allowed for Spirit-filled Christian traditions (aka, the Pentecostal and Charismatic movements) to flourish.

This robust, powerful, Spirit-filled Christianity, that believes in God speaking today and God acting today is something else entirely.  It can usher people into a relationship with God and impact their daily lives. This is the kind of faith that looks a lot closer to the Body of Christ than our churches. Their Spirit-filled faith is not relegated to a private sphere on Sunday, but is a deeply seated faith that impacts not only all of their lives but their communities as well. This is why, as Lauren Winner pointed out, many of our Latin brothers consider ministry training to include classes on the Bible and basic human and civic needs, such as water technology and agriculture. They are not looking for classes on systematic theology. From our scripture centered faith, where theological education is equated with preparation for ministry, where systematic theology has replaced the Spirit, they do indeed to be theologically “thin” as Tony Jones put it.  But that is a good thing.  Systematic theology has not worked out for us.  If it did, there would be no crisis, as we are drowning in competing systematic theologies but still found ourselves here.

In conclusion…

While clearly there are exceptions to everything I said and there are and will be abuses in the Pentecostal and Charismatic movements in the Global South (as there have been in all Christian traditions) I think this is really the way things are going to go. Christianity will become an increasingly non-Western, non-Caucasian, non-Theologically oriented faith, and this is a good thing. Phyliss Tickle suggested we have seen 2,000 years of a Jesus centered Christianity and we may be seeing 2,000 years of Holy Spirit centered Christianity.  It think she’s half right.  I think we have seen 500 years of a scripture and human centered Christianity and may be seeing 2,000 years of Holy Spirit centered Christianity.

As for Christianity in the U.S.A., I think the we headed towards one of three things.  There may be a dramatic renewal in the importance and prominence of the Holy Spirit, possibly with the aid of non-Western missionaries coming to us.  Or there may be a stalemate of “business as usual” where the Emerging/Emergent and Neo-Reformed traditions will replace the Liberal and Fundamentalist extremes, spouting rhetoric at one another in an ongoing culture war,  Or it may be that the U.S.A. will become dissatisfied with Christianity all together and become, like much of Europe, a completely post-Christian society.

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The Great Emergence: Why I ain’t afraid of no (Holy) Ghost.

[In my last post I suggested that a recent dialogue at Fuller raised two issues for me.  First, the interplay between being a responsible but engaging and provocative communicator and the fear of the Holy Spirit I see in the Western Church. In this post I want to share my own journey where I came from a place of fear of the Holy Spirit to being in a relationship to Her.]

Tony Jones shared that while he had Pentecostal friends he was scared of Pentecostalism and the current trends in the Global South. A few months ago I could have probably said the same thing. I too have been very skeptical of Pentecostal and Charismatic Christians. Like Alicia, however, I have been on a journey towards accepting the movement of the Holy Spirit in my life and in the life of the Body of Christ. Because there has been such a dramatic change in my life regarding to how open I am to the Holy Spirit I wanted to share why I was once like Tony, but now I am thankfully more like Alicia.

The Holy Spirit is the third person of the Trinity, a very basic and fundamental Christian doctrine. Upon reflection it strikes me as odd that this third person of the Trinity was largely absent from my life.  Additionally, I had even come to fear what Jesus Himself had sent as a comforter and a counselor.  What gives?

I think this fear stemmed from a very basic fear of the unknown, the mysterious, and the uncontrollable. We humans like to feel like we are in control and know what is coming next. This gives us a sense of safety and power over what happens to us. Additionally, because of the chaos of my home I am hyper-vigilant, always looking for danger, and have striven, probably more so than the average person, to have control in order to feel a basic sense of personal security.

The Holy Spirit to me was then just one more thing beyond my control. I was fearful and suspicious of Her movement in my life and in the world.  It was much safer for me to study the Bible and do ministry as I planned to rather than to receive from the Holy Spirit and let Her have Her way with me and follow Her where She lead.  She seems to have a mind of Her own and unlike the concrete answers I found (or made) from my interpretation of scripture She is not, or at least not always, knowable, tangible, controllable or predictable.

I was what was known as a “cessationist,” for most of my life.  This means that I did not believe the Holy Spirit really did anything other than save our souls and I did not believe God performed miracles today.  This fit rather conveniently with my fear that God really did not answer prayers at all or may not even exist.

Because of my own fear regarding the Holy Spirit I had been suspicious and even condescending towards those that were happily interacting with the Counselor sent by God. I was not raised in Christian traditions that really looked to the Holy Spirit moving in our congregations nor paid attention to the gifts of the Spirit beyond a superficial way.  If we identified your spiritual gift, we could tell you how and where you could fit into our church programs.

Looking from the outside in upon the worship of Pentecostals and Charismatics nothing made sense to me. How can you tell who is “slain by the Spirit” and what is the purpose of this?  Why is an entire congregation suddenly speaking in tongues…at the same time every Sunday…at the command of the senior pastor?  Was this a congregation full of people with the exact same gift? There appeared to be clear abuses and excesses in Pentecostal and Charismatic traditions. There was also no way to asess most of what I saw through scriptures. I also had a number of very negative experiences with Pentecostals where they (meaning these individuals) came off as prideful and only able to have fluff conversations.  So I scoffed, like the onlookers at the Pentecost, and suggested such Christians were weak, drunk (with emotion if not alcohol) and not of a mature faith.

It is incredibly presumptuous to write off an entire segment of Christianity and this is also completely out of character for me.  Being raised in both Catholic and Protestant traditions I have seen truth and error in both traditions.  I have seen how the in-house bickering within Christianity as counter-productive and usually motivated by ignorance.  So why was I blind to my own hypocrisy?

I think it is in human nature for people to fear and condemn that which they do not understand.  We make things not like us the mysterious “Other.” Like in Lost, we automatically fear “The Others” and often turn them into something to fear or even hate for our own needs. However, at the end of the day they, just as in Lost, they are often not that different from us. I think the U.S.A.’s descent into violent political and cultural rhetoric is an example of this and LORD knows we do this all the time in the church.

Not understanding the relationship other Christians have with the Holy Spirit, and being too scared to explore that relationship for myself, I went with the most salient option: condemning what I was ignorant of. The question of “Why are you waving your hands like that when you pray?” was really just the question, “Why don’t you approach faith like I do?” The question of “Why are you speaking in tongues?” was really just the question, “What is speaking in tongues and should I be concerned with it?  Should I even be doing it?”

However, as I grew up I began to get out of my own religious ghetto and began meeting Christians from other traditions. God has kept bringing more Pentecostals and Charismatics into my life.  As I got to know them as individuals, “The Others” became people.  They became Linda, and Gary, and Philip.  These were people are honest in their desire for God, sincere in their faith and they were people who were not given to rampant emotionalism, nor proponents of some shallow gospel.  Some of them were and are very intelligent and theologically educated.

Between my interactions with people open to the Holy Spirit and actually reading the Bible in college I no longer claimed I was a cessationist.  Many of the verses I thought were in the Bible that confirmed my cessationist beliefs were actually not in the Bible…

(Sidenote: I think it would surprise many Christians to find that many things they think are in the Bible are actually not in the Bible.  This is a far more widespread problem than we acknowledge.  Tabling all the complex issues regarding interpretation and considering reading the Bible alone…I was a Christian all of my life and had my B.A. in Biblical Studies, yet it was only last year that I read the Bible from cover to cover and could say I had read everything in the (Protestant) Bible.  Dear Christians, do us all a favor and educate yourselves about your own faith.)

…However, I was still functionally a cessationist. I intellectually assented to the fact that supernatural things could happen, but I did not go looking for them.  I confessed a belief in the spiritual world, but did not act like it existed. I thought the Holy Spirit could move, but I gave Her a wide berth and never prayed for anything miraculous in my life.

It took some pretty dramatic steps for me to finally become open to the Holy Spirit. During the last season of my life I was brought to the end of my rope. Interacting with God on the terms that I had laid out simply was not working any more.  Additionally the Bible, that I had devoted myself to studying, was not providing answers. I had read every word in it and had experienced much of it to be untrue, or at least untrue in my current circumstances.  I began to deeply question the validity and usefulness of the Bible for guiding modern life.

It was during this time that I turned to praying for a miraculous healing from the Holy Spirit in inner healing prayer. I was on my way out of faith and really had no reason to stay.  This was a last ditch effort for help. This was essentially me creating a space for God to reach out to me if He really was real and He really wanted me.

I’ve written about it elsewhere, but God did show up in a powerful way and indeed made it absolutely clear that He wants me and has indeed always wanted me.

Since that time I have been increasingly open to the Holy Spirit’s movement in my life and in the Body of Christ.  I now know that the Holy Spirit truly is the Lord, the giver of life.

Now as I look back I realize that while I had read the Bible I had done so very selectively with a highly secularized starting point.  Our wider culture does not believe in miracles or the spiritual realm and neither do many Christians.  Yet as I read the Bible, especially the ministry of Jesus, I see demons being cast out, visions, miraculous healing, and a variety of spiritual gifts.  There is no discussion of these things ceasing, or ceasing after a a physical region of the world comes to faith, or ceasing after a certain period of time. In fact, quite the opposite occurs.

Jesus instills in His followers authority over demons and the power to heal and suggests that where His followers are, miracles will happen.  We are told that even the shadow and physical items of certain apostles healed people. A lot of this sounds similar to the works and promises of certain televangelist and faith-healers. Sadly, some of these people are total crocks and have taken advantage of people for financial gain.  But we should not let these counterfeits sour us from hoping for and experiencing the promise of the real thing.

Additionally, while there certainly are abuses in Charismatic and Pentecostal traditions there are abuses in all kinds of churches.  Many of the letters in the New Testament are written to correct problems in churches.  Churches are filled with people.  Dirty, stinky, messy images of God that often cannot get things right even after coming to faith.  Just because there are problems and abuses in churches that are open to the Holy Spirit does not make the Holy Spirit the problem.  I had thrown the baby out with the bath water and made the Holy Spirit guilty by association.

Finally, because I was so closed off towards the movement of the Holy Spirit and did not pray expecting any help my faith was basically a civil religion.  My Christianity provided little more than religious salting to a very secular life not that different from the lives of my non-Christian friends.  Honestly the direction and nature of my life was almost exactly the same as my non-Christian peers, I just explained it in religious language.  For example what was the real tangible difference between my pursuit of a calling and my friend’s pursuit of a career?  How was my ministry, essentially devoid of the Holy Spirit, prayer and an openness for the miraculous, any different from humanitarian work or altruism done by non-Christians? While my faith may have kept me from committing certain sins and made me a better citizen, I do not think I was being a faithful follower of Jesus Christ and I was not that helpful to other people.  I would like to think this is changing.

In my next post I would like to turn to the wider issue of the fear of the Holy Spirit in general and the future of Christianity.

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The Great Emergence: Tony Jones and Provocative (but Responsible) Dialogue

Recently Fuller Seminary hosted a talk on “Emergence Spirituality.”  Put succinctly, Christianity is going through a major identity crisis that tends to happen every five hundred years or so.  In the West, Conservative Evangelicalism, a Protestant brand of Christianity that has had deep ties to the Republican party and agenda, is disintegrating.  This is the Christianity that I think is what comes to mind when most non-Christians in American talk about “Christianity” or “Christians.” This is the Christianity of Ned Flanders. Many people are questioning what Christianity is really about and what churches should be doing.

Many Christians are jumping this ship but have no idea where they are going…so they are going everywhere.  Some are going to ancient traditions and finding spiritual guidance in the writing of Christian mystics and leaders.  Others are going to highly liturgical churches like the Roman Catholic Church and the Greek Orthodox Church often drawn by the imagery, symbolism and mystery that the Protestant tradition jettisoned.  Others are looking forward to creating their own spiritual traditions and making Christianity work in this rapidly changing modern world.

Many in my generation are choosing between Emerging/Emergent churches (Rob Bell and Donald Miller would be big names from this camp) and Neo-Calvinist/Neo-Reformed churches (Marc Driscol would be a big name here).

This conversation was about the spirituality of Christians in this Great Emergence and in this conversation Tony Jones made some remarks about Pentecostalism, that is a Christianity that is focused on the movement of the Holy Spirit, in the Global South, that is the Christianity that is growing in Sub-Saharan Africa and South American, that were offensive to some.

This is a video of the dialogue….

The comments in question were made roughly around the 54:00-60:00 mark.

Tony Jones had the mic and said, “To me, the rise of Pentacostalism…and forgive me if this offends any Pentecostals in the room…but it frightens me. I don’t understand it. I don’t like it.  It’s not my version of Christianity.  I struggle with it.  I…maybe stereotype it as theologically thin and maybe not intellectually enough…My question is…is this simply the traditional historic response to the movement of the Spirit in the world.  Am I not just the church council in Jerusalem freaking out?”

Lauren Winner asked him to ask the real question he was really asking and he responded…

“What I am really asking is, how do those of us, some of us here in the doctor of ministry program, some people who are theo…invested in theologically thinking through our faith or people would not be here tonight.  This is a high level intellectual version of Christianity and we are in the shrinking minority of the people who confess Jesus is Lord on this planet.  So I am wondering about how those things jive and if I part of our mission or my mission should be to bring a more sophisticated theology to them or is that colonialism like our fore-bearers have done?”

A friend of mine, Alicia Grey, was offended by these remarks and posed a question to him.  I heard about this second-hand and posted on my Facebook some inflammatory remarks about the whole situation. Some contacted me and suggested Tony’s remarks were aimed at a fear that the prosperity Gospel, a caricature of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, that promises health and financial prosperity, was what he was really concerned with. I promised to watch the video later and comment on it more thoroughly.

For me there are two issues at stake here.

First, how should a communicator balance the tension between responsibly communicating (that is, not needlessly making inflammatory or hurtful remarks for no reason) and provocatively engaging an audience (which is arguably necessary to get some to think critically through what you are saying)?

Tony Jones shared honestly about his fears about the Pentecostalism and the Global South and seemed well aware his remarks opened him up to accusations of colonialism, racism, etc. To this point I get Tony Jones’ attitude and I think anyone who knows me will see the parallels. I often share honestly and vulnerably to spark conversation.  Other times I say things that are intentionally inflammatory or exaggerated to push people to think. As my friend Ron Mayott put it succinctly, I am an agitator. I know that in being myself I will spark controversy and some people will go on the defensive and attack me instead of wrestling with what I say.  I, like Tony, accept these consequences as I think this is part of the role I play in the wider Body of Christ.

However, where is the line between being provocative and bring responsible as a communicator?  We use our words to enlarge or minimize others and ultimately what we communicate reflects what is in our own hearts.  I mean tabloids make provocative and slanderous comments to draw in readers.  Is this what Tony Jones was doing?  Where is the line between saying something with conviction and being too arrogant to hear another perspective? Is this what I do? Where is the line between calling someone, something or some belief to account and a malicious attack?  Where is the line between being oneself (especially if you are people like Tony and I) and self-control and caution?

Simply put, I believe there is no line.  I think communication in this arena is a grey area. It requires discernment, the direction of the Holy Spirit and experience to navigate a tension that has little margin for error.

I personally often struggle with the tension of sensibly offending the hard-hearted to get through to them, while at the same time, knowing there are softhearted people that hear the same message.  I must tip toe on a knife’s edge at times lest in getting through to the knuckleheads I steamroll over others, all the while trying to accomplish my goals.

When it comes to balancing this tension I think I have handled what I have communicated about pornography the best.  On one hand I have intentionally and publicly talked about something many people think I should not talk about. I have been honest in ways people think I should not be honest.  It strikes me that sadly most of this push back comes from Christians. Why do we, who serve the Truth, fear truth?  Why do we, who have the hope for the forgiveness of sins, fear talking about our sins in a very real and concrete way? Additionally, everyone knows where I stand when it comes to pornography: that is immoral and unacceptable for Christians to engage it.  In taking such a clear moral stance I run the risk of being typecast as yet another legalistic and moralistic Christian.

However, because of how I have communicated about it in conversation, in my writing (both for the SEMI and on my blog), and in sermons and testimonies, both men and women have felt safe to come and talk to me about their struggle with pornography, sexuality, abuse and so forth. Many have gotten into various recovery programs, counseling relationships and are healing from past wounds and getting better.

I praise God that he has used a man who was once a miserable porn hermit, totally disconnected from everyone in my life as I played video-games or watched pornography often for ten hours a day, to bring life into others.

In regards to Tony Jones, I think his question was ultimately if his personal fears were unwarranted and had their origin in a fear of change or if they were legitimate because of theological abuses in the Global South.  This is a good question and I applaud his use of personalizing it and admitting his own fears and bias.

I have absolutely no problem with this and from the content alone I do not think Alicia’s comments were warranted.  Simply put I would suggest Tony’s fears are from both a fear of change and ultimately a fear of the Holy Spirit.

However, how he communicated his question provoked Alicia’s concerns regarding racism and theological colonialism. In this I do not think she was wrong to say what she did. He could have done more to frame his question to avoid this situation, but again there is no line.  Maybe by being offensive (intentionally or carelessly) he sparked good conversation that will ultimately be fruitful. At the end of the day while we can say whatever we want about Tony Jones’ language, ultimately it is for God to judge His servants.

[P.S. Tony Jones wrote about this more on his blog and questioned if being called a racist was appropriate for what he was saying.]

Second, this takes me to a wider issue, the fear of the Holy Spirit in the Church.  But I will save this for my next post.

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About the shooting last night…

[Before I begin: Because this happened literally last night, I did not publish this post until I had talked to my two friends most directly involved to make sure it was okay to talk about it so soon.]

Last night I was just about to fall asleep and was lost in thought when several gunshots rang out in rapid succession.  I’ve shot enough guns to know from the sound it was a handgun and it was close. I mean within fifty yards close. But I looked outside, saw nothing going on and heard no cries for help or other sounds of commotion.  I figured it was some idiot firing off shots in a populated area but quickly the cops swarmed the scene and I got a phone call.

“Kevin,” a very shaken voice said over the phone, “We just had bullets come through our wall.” This was a friend of mine and fellow student who lived in my apartment complex.

I got dressed and went over to their apartment just as the police were fanning out from their cars. I waved to one, calling out that it was not an emergency but I needed someone to come over to investigate. I figured a ricochet or stray bullet or two had hit their wall.

When I finally got over to my friend’s apartment with the officer that came with me I found them visibly shaking and terrified.  As I saw the scene with my own eyes I realized it was not just an accident.

Someone standing in our community driveway had unloaded nine shots very directly into their apartment, hitting their outside wall, their air-conditioner unit and their window. While some bullets had been stopped outside, some of them had passed through. One of the roomates had been sitting in the living room when shots came tearing in from outside.

I gave my friends comforting hugs but left them with the police as I quickly turned my attention to others in the community. I was really scared for some other friends as everyone else had responded to their doors being knocked on by police except for them. Their cars were home so they should have been inside their apartment but they were not answering their phones or knocks on the door. It was hard to hear over the din of the police helicopter but for a moment I swore I heard a woman crying. While there were no bullet holes in their apartment I began to fear if something worse had happened to them or if there was even an intruder in their apartment. While normally such a fear would seem irrational an hour earlier the thought of someone intentionally targeting an apartment in my complex was beyond the pale.  Eventually they finally woke up and responded to the police banging at their door.

My roommate and I opened up our apartment for our neighbors to just sit together and talk until everything calmed down. While one of my friends whose apartment was targeted was picked up by her boyfriend we let the other one sleep in our apartment last night.

I think with this whole event Jesus posed two questions to me:  “Do you really believe that the risks of incarnational ministry and downward mobility are worth it?”  and “Do you trust Me (meaning Jesus)?”

Just a few hours earlier I was at Pihop and in describing her ministry a young woman said that while many people treat L.A. like Sodom and Gomorrah she saw it at least Nineveh, and there were a bunch of Jonah’s in the room called to call it to repentance.  Much was said that night about lovingly engaging with the city.  The words of Ray Bakke came to mind.  Bakke described cities as “people containers.” Cities were containers of the image of God and were therefore deserving of our love not our condemnation.

In a reaction against a Christianity primarily concerned with providing moral direction to people pursuing the American Dream and a dissatisfaction with a common Christian bias against urban centers, there is a movemoent among some Christians to intentionally move into more impoverished areas of cities and urban centers to impact the community by modeling Christ’s life and love.  Such Christians believe that Christians are to be salt and light in our world and it is hard to do that from safe gated communities often disconnected from the rest of the world. These beliefs and practices would be downward mobility and incarnational ministry respectively, and they have existed in Christian traditions throughout the centuries in some form or another.

While I applaud this movement and have been a part of it, I caution anyone from thinking downward mobility or incarnational ministry is a safe endeavor.  We should not allow our great intentions to shroud the reality of the situation.  Like any worthwhile endeavor for the Kingdom of God, living in urban centers to love people will involve uncertainty, danger and personal sacrifice. Phyllis Tickle, in a recent talk at Fuller, highlighted the fact that living in urban centers inherently involves putting oneself and one’s family at risk to things that could be avoided by simply living elsewhere. Those in our community were reminded of these dangers nine times last night.

Before coming to Fuller I lived in West Modesto, an under-served area of my hometown that I had historically avoided. When I moved to West Modesto from the suburbs it took a couple of months to get used to gunshots randomly ringing out some nights. To the youth that I worked with, this was taken for granted because this was the world they grew up in.  This is the world most people have grown up in.  I had to square myself with the fact that a stray bullet could come through the window.

As a bit of an aside, can I just say that it strikes me as very odd that for some incredibly affluent Christians it is actually a conscious choice to live in an impoverished and dangerous area or not. We are so blessed we actually get to choose if we are exposed to the dangers that are just the facts of life for most people in this world. I fear that the practice of downward mobility, which is inherently laced with  privilege, is for some just a new fad, as cliché and ubiquitous as flannel wearing hipster pastors with forearm tattoos, and may even become a source of faux-piety.  Because of the incredible abundance and wealth we were raised in I fear many of my peers have come to believe they actually deserve a comfortable standard of living by the universe and by God. Armed with this delusion, some people can actually think that by stepping down into the world most people live in, that they can practically speaking leave at any time, they are actually sacrificing something big to God and are the spiritual elite of this world.  How patronizing. When the risks of urban living are actually experienced, this will separate those for whom incarnational ministry is a fad from those for whom this decision is an outgrowth of deep spiritual convictions.

When I was coming to Pasadena, I was warned that the area I was moving into, the Pasadena north of the 210, was dangerous. While I have occasionally worried about a stray bullet coming through my paper-thin wall (which faces a very busy street) I never imagined something like this would happen.

In the Fall I was thinking about moving onto campus to save gas and because my life was increasingly centered on Fuller campus.  However, because of involvement at Pihop and because I keep hearing great things about a church almost literally next door I began to reconsider this decision. After last night it appears clear that this area of town needs Christians more than Fuller housing does.

As I was writing this post at Pihop a friend from Modesto, a young minister born and raised in the Airport district of my hometown whose faith I greatly respect, texted me.  He has been texting me verses daily for some time as part of his ministry and this is what I received from him:

“Isaiah 43:2 When u pass through da waters, I will be with u…when u walk through da fire, u shall not be burned…~G.I.O.O.S. SCRIPTURES~” (G.I.O.O.S. is an acronym for “God Is On Our Side”)

I know that my answer to the two questions posed to me last night, if incarnational ministry is worth it and if I trust Jesus, will at least in part be answered by where I end up living in the next year.

I want to end this post with two pictures that highlight what I know Chuck Miller would call the “holy tension” I am faced with.  The first image was taken at Pihop last night where we prayed boldly about loving the city around us.  The second image was taken this morning and is a reminder of the stark realities of living in the city I believe we are called to love.

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To know the power and love of God. (Part 2)

After these powerful experiences in inner healing prayer the dust began to settle and I came to some conclusions about my faith and a way forward.  I want to address some of these in really no particular order.

My questions about the Bible did not magically cease.  I have come to the realization that my questions and concerns about the Bible are both valid and correct.  The solution is not that there are mysterious answers to these questions but that my paradigm for approaching the Bible was incorrect.  Again, I promise to write more about my conclusions to this later.

Next, the forgiveness towards my parents was proved true by the fact that for the first time in months I experienced the desire to reconnect with my parents.  I started calling them on Sundays and made a commitment to see them over break.  I wanted to make sure they knew that I had forgiven them after the harsh words we had the last time I was down.  My relationship with my parents is still touchy and I need to set boundaries but a phrase keeps coming to mind that I need to give them “grace to be human.”  I am trying to accept them for the broken people they were as young adults raising a family, and broken people as they are now entering retirement and their old age, not as who they should have been or should be in my opinion.

While my forgiveness towards my parents was complete my ex was another story.  I continued praying for healing for what happened between us and it was actually this prayer that triggered a spiral down into a place where I was sincerely contemplating suicide. I wrote more about this right after I went through it. It got worse before it got better.  Luckily I was able to pull out of this and not seven to fourteen days later experienced a rather dramatic return to joy and a pervasive sense of well-being.  In hindsight I realize that I was forced to run an emotional marathon right after going through an emotional surgery of sorts.  The healing God brought me also removed some dysfunctional structures I had used to shore up my life. I was then forced to deal with some very difficult memories and realities without any of my old structures for support.  It was Easter (so all my issues with God were hit), it was Mother’s day (and my mother contacted me, which hit all my issues with family) and it was my ex-‘s birthday (last year, the day after her birthday she really hurt me and I knew the relationship was over but it was still limping on).  Additionally, there was probably a pretty severe demonic attack.  I’m sure their attitude was something like, “Well he’s paying attention to us now.  Our time is short and we better do everything we can while we have time left!”  This return to joy was pretty dramatic and there was no identifiable cause or reason for this to happen other than the work of God.

Several months before coming to Fuller I started taking Humira, a very powerful medicine for my arthritis.  During this time I recognized the fact that over the years I have developed a very high pain tolerance and am able to be a lot more physically active than I “should be” given the arthritis I have.  My two noticeable symptoms were pain in my knees, stiffness in my neck, and pain in my lower back.  Going on Humira and doing chiropractic care (courtesy of Tim Weimer, who donated his valuable services to support my ministry.  Thank you brother!) resolved all of these symptoms.  In my time at Fuller pain in my lower back served as an additional reminder to take my bi-monthly shot of Humira as it only came back when I was getting close to being due for another shot. After doing yoga once a week for months and after being prayed over and going through inner healing prayer my back pain dropped off completely to the point where I forgot to take my medicine.  I read it was inadvisable to go off the medicine without consulting a physician so I resumed my medicine two weeks late even though my pain had not returned.  I started experiencing dizzy spells, and this is a possible sign of a serious side-effect…nerve damage.  I contacted my physician and described the situation.  His advice was to discontinue the medicine for a time and see how well it goes.  If I needed to get back on the medicine I could contact him.  So far I am severely overdue for a shot and my pain is negligible.

I have also not returned to any organized church and feel no desire or pressure to do so.  I have just enough faith to follow God’s very gentle calling to show up at Pasadena International House of Prayer a lot this summer and be open to what he and others have to say to me there.  I am also trying to be part of Live Bones more, a student group here on campus, which is very much concerned about a legit spiritual life among the student body, not just education.

I feel that my faith is currently a quest to know the power and love of God.  Without knowing that God can act in this life, there is no point in worshiping Him or continuing in faith.  Without knowing God’s love for me, I cannot trust Him to use that power on my behalf in ways that are ultimately for me.

I know see two general trajectories for my life.  Either God shows up more and I go the route of Chuck Kraft, an evangelical who was originally suspicious of the work of the Holy Spirit until his “conversion” after being a missionary to Nigeria, or God does not show up this summer and I go the route of Bart Ehrman, who was raised and trained in the faith, but lost faith and now tries to write books to stir up controversy and make money. I honestly don’t know what this summer holds but I’d bet that God will continue to show up at Pihop and speak to me a lot this Summer about the way I should go.To know the power and love of God.

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To know the power and love of God. (Part 1)

For the first time in months, I have cautiously become hopeful about life.  In this post I share about what happened in the last three months of my life to make this happen and how my paradigm of life and faith is shifting in pretty dramatic ways. To begin I want to provide some basic background information, then describe the events of this last quarter and how they have impacted me, before finally closing with how I see the dust settling more in the summer quarter.

To provide some basic background information for new readers…I was raised in a Christian home that was dysfunctional and at times outright abusive.  I began struggling with faith when I was diagnosed with arthritis as a child.  I found it increasingly harder to trust God and what I was told about Him as God never responded to my prayers for healing. I began to doubt He cared, answered prayers and secretly feared He might even hate me.  From  a young age I was left with serious emotional and spiritual wounds, a deep level of self-hatred and both my family and my faith were not safe and trustworthy to me. I coped by performing in a variety of ways, turning to sexual addiction, and giving myself wholeheartedly to various causes, institutions, and people.  This was like putting band-aids on gunshot wounds, I never really got well, and the general tenor of my life has shown it. While outwardly I may have (and still may) appear highly successful and blessed I have struggled with depression and contemplated suicide a number of times. My life has run on a very predictable cycle of getting my hopes up, having those hopes crushed, going through anger and depression, before very cautiously getting my hopes up again before those hopes too are crushed.  This has left me feeling cursed and a fear of this recurring pattern has been the reason hope for me just feels like the first step to despair. The most recent turn of this cycle happened when I had become very hopeful about life towards the end of 2009. After fully offering God the reigns of my life I felt called to both pursue becoming recovery pastor and begin attending Fuller to earn an M Div degree and felt called to pursue a relationship with a woman I fully thought I was going to marry. I felt I was finally going to step into a life that Jesus brings His followers.  This was not to be the case. Fuller’s M Div program was a gigantic disappointment and my relationship with my ex failed dramatically. Instead of stepping into new life I found myself in a very familiar place of being alone in an ash heap. I got into counseling and started dealing with the abuse that went on in my home for the first time and joined a local Sex Addicts Anonymous fellowship.  I have since left the M Div program and am taking classes in order to apply to PsyD programs here at Fuller and elsewhere. But even this takes a back seat to a season of deep questioning in my life.  Everything, and I mean everything, in my life has come under review and I have been asking myself, “Who is Kevin Gonzaga, and what is he really about?”

Moving onto the events of this last quarter…

This quarter began on a very low note.  I had a conversation with my parents where for the first time I confronted them regarding the abuse that went on in our home.  Furthermore I initiated an exchange of emails with my ex-girlfriend regarding reconciliation and again sought a significant apology from her. This turned turned bitter quickly. She revealed she was never that serious about our relationship (something I was led to believe before I left everything and moved down here) and I was faced with her continued refusal to apologize.  My response to her was easily the most hateful thing I have ever written.

On top of that I was bracing for a heavy class load.  Two classes at Fuller turned into three and I was taking a class at Pasadena City College and University of Phoenix.  That’s a total of five classes at three different schools on top of part time work at the library.  The two classes I was most concerned about were two of my Fuller ones.  I was taking Job Exegesis (which is basically an in-depth study of Job in Hebrew) and a class on Inner Healing Prayer.  I knew these two classes would trigger my struggles with faith.  I think that’s why I chose to take them.

For most of my life I have used a lot of religious behavior to hide my very real struggles with faith.  “Of course I trust and love God!” I would tell myself and others, “Look at all that I’m doing for Him!”  This was how I avoided really dealing with my fears that God did not care, did not exist, did not love me, or might even hate me.  This quarter I think I was finally ready to settle this issue.  I could no longer continue serving a God or studying at seminary if I was not sure God liked me or even existed.  So I took classes that would force me to settle these questions or dis-enroll from seminary and find a way to make a life completely apart from Christianity.

Both of these classes clashed with each other and pushed my buttons in different ways.  In Job exegesis I really saw that a lot more than innocent suffering was being questioned in that book.  The book explores the human motivations for faith and Satan’s accusation against Job is not that Job is secretly immoral but that his righteousness is motivated by what he gets from God.  Job is only faithful because he is blessed, not blessed because he is faithful. Additionally, my in-depth studies on Satan brought me to a place where I recognized  a lot of misconceptions about Satan.  If I wanted to be faithful to the Bible and the Judeo-Christian claims about monotheism, I realized I would have to surrender to an even more enigmatic and problematic God at a time where I was already questioning if He existed. A God loves us but is at war with Satan who hates us is a lot easier to swallow than a God who loves us, but acts malevolently towards humanity at times and allows Satan to continue to exist as His loyal or begrudging servant.

My class on Inner Healing Prayer ran in almost the opposite direction. There was much talk about spiritual warfare and much blaming of Satan and demons.  When the instructor talked about the Devil’s “flaming arrows” as spiritual attacks on Christians and what we could do about it I wanted to raise my hand and point out the fact that Job talks about God’s poisoned arrows piercing his flesh, not Satan’s.  Additionally the class taught that it was God’s normative desire to heal people (both physically and emotionally) and people shared testimonies of God doing this in their life and the life of their friends.  The fact that I hadn’t been healed of my arthritis, iritis, glaucoma or a lot of the emotional wounds of the past, despite years of prayer, made me want to call this into question. (That’s putting it mildly.) I emailed the professor of the class and communicated that if there was a God and if inner healing prayer worked, I needed a lot of it, and requested to meet with him outside of the class time.

As the quarter wore on an my study of Satan, my study of human sexuality in the Bible,and my study of the Pentateuch forced me to ask a lot of questions about the Bible and how we use it. Should we really be basing our contemporary sexual ethics off portions of the sexual ethics of an ancient agrarian culture in the Ancient Near East?  Should we be making sermons exegeting what originally functioned as propaganda, designed to unify the factitious tribes of Israel into a nation under the rule of a king? Simply put, it appeared the Bible could not and should not be used as I have traditionally taught it should be used. Because I had no concept of any other alternative way to use the Bible I felt like much of the Bible had become rather useless and should not be applied to modern life. (I promise to write more about this later.)  Coupled with my own personal struggles I was in a pretty deep place of despair and doubt that ate me up inside.  Literally. I developed stress ulcers and was considering going into the hospital because the bleeding was getting so bad. I had to stop writing on my blog and put the Job paper down for a while. In this time I lost all motivation to attend church.

This extreme distress and pain came from the fact that if my suspicions about God and the Bible were right, which they certainly were looking like they were, then I had been lied to for years, I had passed on these lies to others, had squandered my college years pursuing a B.A. in Biblical Studies was now in debt for another wasteful degree. Fearing that every major decision I had made in my adult life was based on a lie and a mistake was quite distressing to me. (Again, that’s putting it mildly.)

The day of my first inner healing prayer session with our Inner Healing Prayer professor was the lowest point of my faith to date.  Carol Williams and Carenda Kiser sat with me as I talked me in the refectory. I explained how I was ready to leave Christianity, not just the church.  I had left the church and come back many times.  I was ready to leave faith.  All of my intellectual complaints aside, I think the primary reason was that it just was not worth it.  I had given God everything, and for what?  I have not asked for sports cars, a super-model wife, and a mansion in Beverly Hills.  My requests have been for guidance and healing and I have been left questioning and left hurting.  Even with the rare but powerful experiences of God’s love and the body of Christ, the life I have described above is simply not worth all that I am and have, which is what I had given to God.

I then walked by the statue of Jesus being crucified to my first inner healing prayer session.  I was clear with my professor that I was bringing nothing to the table and things had gotten even worse since the last time we had talked.  I believe I used the phrase, “I feel like my faith is just circling the drain.”  I was showing up and was open to God doing something but I was not holding my breath.  After all, I had prayed for help and healing before.  Was this one form of prayer really what I needed to do in order for God to move on my behalf? Was all this talk of vows, curses, soul-ties, breaking prayers, demonization, and healing of memories really what was lacking in my faith?

Let me just pause here for a moment…

I am not one to tell tall tales. Least of all am I motivated to make things up to defend or vindicate God from my own very real questions and doubts.  I say this so my readers will take me seriously when I say that in my inner healing prayer session God provided a measure of supernatural healing through prayer I have never before experienced. I have been very honest with my struggles with faith and accusations against God.  I must likewise be honest about His answer.  While I promise to provide full fairly stream of consciousness transcripts of these sessions later I wanted to just briefly summarize what happened here and the follow up.

The first two sessions were the most powerful.  We began praying by doing a “womb-to-tomb” exercise where we pray from conception onward inviting Jesus to show me any images or bring to mind any memories he wanted to bring healing to.  In both of the first two sessions a variety of memories were brought up, most notably four pretty traumatic experiences of trauma and emotional pain I had experienced early in life.

Initially I was surprised and my reaction was “This again?”  I had been in touch with these memories for months. I had since put them on my 4th step for recovery work and talked about them in counseling. I could describe them, talk about what happened, was well aware of how they seeded mis-beliefs in my life and how these had impacted my life and played into my addiction all with emotional poise and control.  They did not appear to be triggering events.  But what I could not say was that these memories had been healed.  As we prayed through those memories and invited God to show me something of His goodness in these dark times I saw Jesus Christ in the memories that I was watching as if in the third person. While some other memories were healed in less dramatic ways, in each of those four memories I found myself weeping uncontrollably.

I had for months been articulating my inability to cry, least of all in front of someone else.  I even complained to one of my fellow addicts about this, explaining that every time I was on the verge of tears I just began sneezing.  It was as if my own body was contriving against me feeling or expressing sadness, which is what I really wanted to do.

So there I was. I found myself weeping at having been touched by God’s love in these dark places.  I have never cried this much before in my life and the first time it happened when I finally opened my eyes my hands and forearms looked like they had been dipped in oil they were so drenched with tears.  It was in these prayer sessions God showed me very specifically why I, Kevin Gonzaga, needed to forgive my father and I was able to. I was also to able to forgive my mother.

The healing was not contained to my emotions alone.  We prayed for my stomach ulcers in the first session and that day the bleeding stopped.  In class that week I prayed for the first time in thirteen years for the physical healing of my arthritis  and received prayer from others in the class.

In the rest of the quarter the dust began to settle and I saw some of God’s healing worked out in my life but I want to save that for my next post for the sake of space.

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Why do we believe…such wonky things about Satan (part 3)

I have called into question the traditional understanding of Satan. Many widely held beliefs have absolutely either have no basis in scripture or at best not explicitly laid out. I have suggested the description of Satan in scripture actually changed over time.  Whichever description one agrees with or emphasizes, there appears to be some evil spiritual figure in mind in the New Testament, so what are contemporary Christians to think about him/it? Should we live as if Satan does not exist?  Should we live as if Satan is a servant of God?  Should we still adhere to the traditional view?  I here suggest that understanding why Satan developed in the ways that he did can prove helpful to this question.  In this post I will discuss his development and my conclusions regarding all of this.

Anyone who reads the Old Testament and then the New Testament might be struck by something I pointed out recently.  In the Old Testament there is little to no talk about any sort of evil spiritual forces. Aside from a handful of select ambiguous passages there are only three types of beings in the Old Testament. There is God, there are angels and there is humanity. That’s it.Then suddenly in the New Testament demons are being cast out left and right and there is some sort of evil spiritual being that appears to be opposed to God.  What the hell happened? (Again, pun intended.  Yes I recycle jokes.  Don’t judge me.)

My belief is that Satan developed from a literary device to a full-fledged spiritual being opposed to God in order to incorporate dualism into Hebrew thought and theology.  The purpose of this move was to resolve the difficulties inherent to struggling with theodicy in a strict monotheistic religion.

First, I should provide some historical and biblical background to this whole situation. When Israel was taken into captivity by Babylonian empire they were deported from the Promised Land.  This was a very problematic situation because the land had been promised to them.  It appears much of Samuel, Kings, and much of the Prophetic writing was written to explain why Israel had failed to uphold its end of the covenant and explain the Exiles ans divine punishment from God. But Babylon was in turn conquered by the Persian Empire.  The Persians allowed the Jews to return to Jerusalem but the Israelites were still under the rule of the Persian empire.  Chronicles tells the same stories as Samuel and Kings, but in a much more conciliatory fashion to highlight God’s mercy (an example of this is the fact that Bathsheeba narrative with David is simply omitted) and the prophetic writing at this time turns from condeming outside foreign powers and focusing on the restoration of Jerusalem and the worship of the LORD. To put it simply (and ridiculously) at times it appears the role of the prophet shifts from an accuser and predictor of judgment to a spiritual spiritual visionary and cheerleader. (Compare Amos to Zechariah.)

During their decades under Persian rule the Israelites were exposed to and influenced by Persian theology and though during this time. This should not come as a surprise to anyone.  Anytime cultures intermingle there is a cultural exchange for better or for worse.  The Bible saw this, at least with Israel, to be a negative thing.  Intermarriage would lead to a cultural exchange of religions, a threat to the worship of the LORD. Regardless of if cultural exchanges are good or bad, they do happen, a fact that can be readily seen by just about anyone who thinks about our global village. A rather clear example that this happened comes from the Bible. The story of Esther is written like a Persian history and would fit in more in a Persian library than in our Bible.  For those wondering, it has been suggested this is why the book famously never mentions God and is very different from traditional Hebrew narratives.

One result of this cultural exchange was the use of “the satan” in Job. As I have described in my previous post, I agree with Tur-Sinai and I believe the authors of Job used the concept of a spiritual satan as a literary device.  Technically speaking, “the satan” in Job functions an anthropomorphic projection. Just as one might speak of the LORD having an arm or a hand, so a concept readily understandable to most readers was used to talk about the otherwise indescribable God. Specifically, it appears that “the satan” in Job was modeled after “the eyes and ears” of the Persian king who were domestic spies whose role it was to investigate and report on the behaviors of the King’s own subjects. The captive Israelites were most likely familiar with these “eyes and ears” after decades under Persian rule and were probably investigated themselves by such agents. The use of a “satan” in Job and Zechariah was then a contextualized way to describe God and His interactions with humanity.  How was God aware of everything that went on in his realm? How did the LORD know who was truly loyal and who was not? Well, like the Persian kings the LORD has eyes’ and ears of His own that roam the whole earth, investigate humans and report back to Him.  This begs the question, did the author(s) of Job mean for their writing to communicate actual truth about a spiritual being that existed or was it just a literary device?  For the time being, I’m going to table this question.

However, the satan’s role as being an adversary, a spy, and an accuser made him ripe theological material to incorporate into Hebrew thought another helpful innovation picked up from the Persians: spiritual dualism. In Persian theology they conceptualized the world as being a battleground where the good god (Ahura Mazda) and the evil god (Angra Mainyu) contend for sovereignty. (Balentine, 53) These two diametrically opposed sides were constantly battling for control of this world and this spiritual warfare had very real consequences in the world.  But why would this be an appealing innovation for the Israelites and something they would want to incorporate into their theology?

Dualism is useful because it helps alleviate or avoid what some psychologists have referred to as, “the emotional burden of monotheism.”  In any monotheistic religion, where one God is in complete control of the world, one has to accept both bad and good, woe and weal, from ultimately the same source. This is a difficult concept to accept and apply in daily life and is a source of psychological, emotional and spiritual distress. How many can credit God with the birth and life of their child and also credit God with that child’s death at the hands of a drunk-driver without some serious difficulty? Furthermore, I think any honest person will admit that it difficult to affirm that God and good, just and in complete control when things that are clearly evil and unjust continue to happen in this world with frightening regularity.  Talking about sin and the consequences of the Fall only goes so far. Holding onto the belief that God is good and just despite increasing amounts of evidence to the contrary is emotionally, psychologically and spiritually taxing and can only be maintained for so long without new information or a new understanding of God.  In dualistic or polytheistic faiths this tension is avoided.  The evil or injustice experienced in life is blamed on the evil God/god(s) and/or on the spiritual warfare between the two sides while the good God/god(s) are credited with the good things that happen in this world.

The Israelites were just like us.  I am sure they too found it difficult to declare God as loving and God and just when they were taken into Exile after a time of prosperity and affluence. Often we ignore the fact that the Babylonians and Assyrians were brutal when they conquered people.  The evils perpetrated this time was I’m sure horrific.  When the Israelites, the Chosen People promised a Land for themselves, again found themselves under the rule of another foreign empire, theodicy was probably something they were wrestling with as individuals and as a people.  The satan figure became a convenient way to explore dualism, a concept previously unheard of in Hebrew theology.  Satan, introduced as a spy, accuser and adversary loyal to God, continued to develop as his name, exact nature and role morphed over the next several centuries. His original role as a shadowy secretive adversary whose job it was to be suspicious…of you…no doubt provided ample room for his power to increase and his nature to become more sinister and inherently evil.

Contrary to popular belief Jewish history and thought did not come to a screeching halt as they waited for a Messiah after the Exile(s).  We often fall into this thinking because large parts of our Bible were cut out in the Reformation (thanks Luther) and cutting out these books created a huge gap in our biblical timeline. It was during this time, of rich theological diversity and development (where many of the various Jewish sects Christians are familiar with originated), that Satan underwent his gradual change and became part of common thought.

While this may all sound highly speculative, if reasonable, this move to incorporate dualism and alleviate theodicy is actually recorded in our Bible in the story of David taking a census and who incited him to do it. (I said I was going to come back to this.) It is hard to say “God is loving and just” when scripture records that God incited David to do something, then judged David for doing the very thing He had incited David to do.  How just was God in killing 70,000 Israelites for something that He himself set into motion? The post-Exilic author(s) of Chronicles re-wrote this story and have Satan, not God, inciting David to take this census.  In this new dualistic version of the story we can we can blame Satan (for tempting) or David (for falling into temptation) for the sin that God judges Israel for.  Being able to assign blame to someone other than God for David’s actions allows God to judge the situation harshly and still appear just and good in our estimation. This strikes me as a cosmic joke of sorts. Our word and concept of a scapegoat originally derives from the goat sent out by lot to “Azzazel” whom some have identified with Satan/the Devil, on the Day of Atonement for the sins of Israel.  Here now we can see Satan being used as a scapegoat to take the blame for the “sins” (the apparent injustice) of God.

This move towards dualism is also captured in non-biblical Jewish texts from the post-exilic time. Balentine writes that, “In the Book of Jubilees (2nd C. BCE), the chief of evil spirits is called Mastema (lit., “enmity, hatred, hostility”; 10:1-14; 11:1-5). It is Mastema, for example, who is said to have caused Abraham’s testing (Jub 17:16; cf. Genesis 22:1) and to have attacked Moses on his way to Egypt (Jub 4:2; cf. Exod 4:24). In Qumran texts, the leader of the forces of darkness is most often identified as Belial (lit., “wickedness” or “worthlessness”). As the prince of the kingdom of wickedness (1QM 17:5-6), Belial leads his troops against the Sons of Light in an effort to control the world (1QM 1:1, 13; 11:8; 15:3).” (Balentine, 53)  Both dualism and spiritual warfare were being adopted into Jewish thought during this time.  Again, this language and theology does not exist in the Bible before the Persian rule and it appears to be an import from Persian theology. Furthermore, we have here an evil spiritual being being blamed for actions that God is elsewhere credited with, apparently in an attempt to resolve these difficult passages.

By the time Jesus hits the scene in the New Testament satan, an evil spiritual kingdom, spiritual warfare and some super-demon opposed to God was apparently common theology.  When Satan is referred to by name or referenced in an indirect way, there seems to be an unspoken assumption that everyone knows who is being talked about.  When Jesus brings up Satan, his audience is not shocked and ask for an explanation. Satan, spiritual warfare, and dualistic thinking and language were not an abrupt theological inventions that hit the scene in the New Testament (as a literal reading of the Protestant Bible without historical context might lead one to believe) but beliefs that had been growing overtime and had become widespread.

Like many aspects of scripture the passages regarding this super-demon leave a lot of questions and there is ample room for interpretation. Historically, some in the Church have interpreted these verses and Church tradition and arrived at something that looks like the traditional understanding of the Devil.  While some today might suggest the concept of the Devil being a red-skinned figure with a pitchfork is misguided they for some reason swallow other beliefs about him uncritically. Many of the beliefs about the Devil that I have encountered in the Church have absolutely no basis in scripture or are but one of many ways interpretations of select passages referring to Satan.

“But Kevin,” one might ask, “how does this understanding of the development of Satan/The Devil help us to understand how we are to understand this figure now? Are we to reject deny that Satan exists and it is all God?  Are we to see Satan as a servant of God? Are we to re-interpret the passages in the New Testament as best we can?  Are we to follow Church tradition?”

With certain caveats or stipulations any of these options could be described as the “biblical” approach to Satan, depending on one’s hermeneutic, Church tradition, and experience of the demonic. To many this will no doubt sound highly subjective.  As with many things in the Bible, it is. However, I would hate to have written all this in vain so I should provide where I have landed currently as a result of exploring Satan and his development in scripture and Church tradtion.

For me personally, all of these options are undercut by one question:why doesn’t God kill the Devil?

Even if one disagrees with my research and adheres to the traditional understanding of the Devil, this question still poses a problem. If one believes that so many problems are caused by Satan, and one believes that God is all-powerful and will even one day throw the Devil into the lake of fire to be forever destroyed, why doesn’t God do that now?  Is the lake of fire not hot enough yet? Does it have to warm up over centuries like a galactic jacuzzi? If God created the world through speaking it into existence, couldn’t He annihilate the Devil with one word to protect His children from harm? If one believes that nothing is co-eternal with God, then everything in this world, in both the physical and spiritual realms, must have been created by Him and is under His control if not guidance. The Devil must have been one of God’s creations.  Did God’s creation somehow grow too powerful for Him to handle?

The only solution in my mind that makes any sense of the fact that Satan is allowed to continue to exist is because Satan still has a job to do.  God is either planning on using Satan’s violent actions in some redemptive way or Satan’s actions are in line with God’s will and done at God’s permission or command. Satan is either an unwitting and begrudging servant of God or a loyal servant of God.

Because of my own studies I personally have come to reject the traditional understanding of the Devil have come to believe Satan is just another named servant of God, similar other named angels but with a unique portfolio of tempting and testing. My worldview is not Satan vs. God but Satan, along with everything else, under God. I think dualistic language and the language of spiritual warfare used in the New Testament, regardless of how literal or figurative it is supposed to be, is ultimately irrelevant in light of monotheism. 

So why do we believe…such wonky things about Satan? I think many Christians uncritically adhere to the traditional understanding of the Devil and often exaggerate his power for the same reasons he was created in the first place: it makes theodicy easier.  We are just like the Israelites.  We may have not been taken into Exile but with the nightly news and the internet we are instantly aware of all the pain and injustice in this world that God causes or allows to happen under His sovereignty. It is hard to affirm God as loving, just and in complete control when faced with these these realities.  We must grow in our faith, adopt specific theological stances or lose faith. Exaggerating the power and nature of the Devil, focusing on spiritual warfare, and ignoring the Devil’s subservience to God or God’s refusal to destroy the Devil are all theological stances.  By taking these stances one can blame the Devil for at least some of the bad things that happen in this world and this requires less of us.  It requires less of our faith, less scriptural honesty, less wrestling with God and allows for an easier and safer faith for most people. But this does not come without a cost.

Our use of the Devil and dualism often becomes quite heretical. To return to the article on the “emotional burden of theodicy,” the authors record that, “Historically, Christianity has always been tempted by dualistic polytheism or ditheism. From the great heresies of Gnosticism and Marcionism in the 1st and 2nd centuries, to Manichaeanism in the 3rd and 4th centuries and Catharism in the 13th century, which still rumble on today, many Christians have tried to resolve the emotional burden of monotheism by positing two gods, one good and the other evil.” The pull to empower Satan has been felt by Christians for centuries and is felt today.  I recently heard a professor at Fuller simply state something to the effect of, “Everything that is good is from the LORD and everything that is bad is from Satan.” This is obviously an extreme example, but it highlights the dangerous pit I think many have fallen into: by elevating the Devil to make faith easier for us we slowly dismantle true monotheism.  Many Christians, especially those who are ardent adherents to the traditional understanding of the Devil actually have a faith that is ditheistic (that is a belief in two gods), not a belief in one God that exists in three persons who control everything.

While it is tempting to blame the Devil for some or all of the problems in this world, and such a stance is easier on us, this is ultimately unfaithful to God and what God has chosen to reveal about himself. The Bible is not shy about describing how God acts both benevolently and malevolenty towards individual humans and humanity as a whole. This is a difficult God to wrestle with, but this is the God of scripture.  While this may be more difficult, and ultimately too difficult for some to continue in faith, we would do better and be more faithful to the scriptures to wrestle with this bigger, more mysterious God than use the Devil as a scapegoat to make things easier on us.

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Why do we believe…such wonky things about Satan? (Part 2)

In this post I suggest the traditional understanding of Satan is wrong and not in the Bible.  I discuss how the Bible actually describes Satan and how one can see this description actually changes over time.

Traditionally, Satan/The Devil is described as the irredeemable enemy of God and humans, who is Lord of the demons, and is out to “steal, kill, and destroy.”  The Devil is blamed for tempting humans to sin and directly causing varying degrees of suffering in this world, depending on your worldview.  Some simplistically suggest all evil and suffering is caused by the Devil, others have a more limited approach. The Devil is explained as a fallen angel who pridefully attempted to overthrow God and led a rebellion against the LORD.  Having lost, he and those that followed him, became demons.  The Devil and demons will ultimately be throw into the lake of fire mentioned in Revelation and be destroyed completely.  I will call this the traditional view and refer to this understanding of Satan as “The Devil.”

While I once uncritically accepted this view, and would shame anyone who proposed another view, this understanding of Satan fell apart when I actually read the Bible.  Most of the traditional view is actually not in scripture.  The Devil, as described above, is not explicitly laid out in the Bible. What is presented in the Bible is an understanding of Satan that develops over time, which I would suggest can be roughly divided up into three phases.

  1. Satan does not exist: Throughout the vast majority of the Protestant Bible, the part we refer to as the Old Testament, Satan simply does not exist.  There is no reference to a spiritual being that in any way resembles the Devil.   The Patriarchs, the Hebrews, and the Israelites were completely uninformed or uninterested in the Devil. If you asked Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Rebekah, Leah, Jacob/Israel, Job, Moses, Miriam, Aaron, any of the judges, Ruth, Naomi, King David, Solomon other Israelites kings and most if not all of the prophets who Satan was their response would be most likely, “Satan who?” In all fairness they may have believed that some sort of evil spirit(s) existed but the Bible does not record the nature of these beliefs. While some of the later prophets and writings do bring up a celestial satan, these figures act and function nothing like Devil.  There are two challenges to this statement I already anticipate so I’ll deal with them here.  First, some might suggest the Devil is the tempting serpent in Genesis.  It is later church tradition that has identified the serpent with the Devil. This passage describes a crafty serpent, not the prince of demons or some supernatural spiritual being. Like most of the stories in Genesis 1-12, the story of the Fall isan etiological story.  Etiological stories explained why things are the way they are.  Why are women dominated by men (in the patriarchal Ancient Near East)?  Why do women have pain in childbirth? Why is work hard? Why are poisonous snakes dangerous and why do they slither on the ground and cause so much fear?  This story provides answers to those questions, not a theology regarding a spiritual being opposed to God.  Second, some very astute readers of the Bible may also bring up the traditional understanding of the Devil as a fallen angel is based in the Old Testament. Isaiah 14 refers to a creature of light that pridefully tries to ascend to the heavens and then suffers a dramatic fall all the way down to Sheol.  Regardless of the fact that this passage has to do with a figure of light, and the Hebrew understanding of Sheol is not the same as our concept of Hell, it is connected with the Devil and this is where we get the name Lucifer and the idea that the Devil is an angel who was punished for pride or some sort of rebellion.  Again, this connection is made in later Church tradition.  This passage is actually about presumptuous earthly monarchs who over-extend their reach and then experience dramatic falls.  The ANE saw many of these monarchs and tribal leaders, conquerors who were in turn conquered (and often killed), and this passage is most likely directed at those of the Babylonian variety.
  2. Satan is a servant of God: In a sort of middle period a variety of celestial satan’s (it is not clear that the same satan is being referenced) appear in the Bible and act as servants of God doing the LORD’s will. I covered this more thoroughly in my previous post. Satan is the transliteration (an English equivalent) of a Hebrew noun.  It is a common noun, not a proper name, that refers to “an adversary” or “an accuser.”  In the Bible this word was used to describe very human and mundane satans that you could touch (such as military or legal adversaries) though this noun also began to be used to refer to spiritual figures.  In my last post I presented Tur-Sinai’s argument regarding the origin of “the satan” in Job, and touched upon the celestial satans in Zechariah, Numbers and Chronicles. In Job we see “the satan” a member of the divine council acting as the LORD’s suspicious one who is given permission and power to test Job, in Zechariah the satan makes an accurate accusation against Joshua, and in Numbers we see the LORD sending an angel to act as a satan against Balaam.  Nowhere do these celestial or spiritual satan figures act against God’s will, command demons, possess people, or lie.  Some might suggest that the satan figure in Chronicles, the only place it appears “satan” is used as  a proper name is an exception. In the Chronicles passage we find Satan inciting David to take a census of Israel.  This causes God to judge David and a plague kills 70,000 Israelites for this sin.  Before people celebrate this clearly evil action on the hand of Satan I want to point out two things.  First, this is one verse in the Old Testament that has almost absolutely no context or further explanation about the figure of Satan here. We do not know if Satan was sent by God or did this to cause evil and mischief in the world. Second, and far more importantly, this same story is told in Samuel and it is God who incites David to take a census…and then judges Israel for taking this census. I will come back to this important point in a later post.
  3. Satan is an enemy of God and humans: In the New Testament a jarring and dramatic change occurs that goes often unnoticed and unmentioned. Suddenly there is a great spiritual adversary to God and Christians that previously went unmentioned.  The New Testament mentions, the Devil, Satan, Beelzebub, The Wicked One, Prince of This World, the Tempter, a celestial being who is a liar, Belial, the god of this world, the prince of the power of the air, your adversary, The Dragon, and The Ancient Serpent. These figures have been identified as referring to one supernatural being, namely Satan. Still, much of the traditional understanding concerning the Devil is not explicitly laid out, but relies rather heavily upon traditional interpretation of these passages.  The passages about some evil spiritual being in the New Testament brings up several questions. First, where in the hell did this dramatic change come from? (pun intended – and I’ll return to this later in my next post.)  Second, some of these passages are quite ambiguous, our use of them is selective, and our interpretation of them relies heavily upon tradition.  What does it mean that Satan is the god of this world?  Does he control things down here while God plays the diestic clockmaker and locked up in Heaven as it were?  Does Satan have more control down here than God?  What does it mean that he is the “prince of the air?”  Are we to hold our breath or avoid airplane travel, least we venture into the realm of the Devil? While some of these might seem whimsically literal, why do we take some passages to just as literally with no concern? I do not know how many times I have heard statements like, “that’s just the lie the Devil wants you to believe, you the Devil is the father of lies….” but no one ever talks about, “well you know that’s clearly because the Devil is the prince of the air.” There also seems to be a fair amount to which our reading of these passages is tainted by what we have already been taught about the Devil.  We don’t really interpret the text or ask questions because we have already been fed the answers.  In this we swallow whole a lot of assumptions about Satan that are nowhere in the text.
In short the traditional view of the Devil is highly problematic and I think is read back more into the Bible than read and understood from the Bible and I’m calling it into question. But what are we to make of this? If the common understanding of The Devil is off what are contemporary Christians to believe about the evil spiritual being that is present in the New Testament and how is this belief to impact our faith? I believe much can be clarified on these question by understanding the origins and development of Satan. To make use of my three phases in the development of the Satan, to understand the Devil today correctly we must first understand how Jewish and Christian thought went from #2 to #3.  This will be the subject of my next post.
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